With glowing hearts we see thee rise

Recent events have made me think about High School. Not in a nostalgic, Big Chill, kind of a way (God forbid) but more of a jeez I'm acting like I would if I was in High School kind of a way. Now being 27 years of age, that would be fine if I was starring in a teen drama. But seems I missed out on a role in the relaunched 90210, then that shit ain't cool.

Now I was an awkward kid growing up (sources close to me will argue that little has changed) but I can look back on my silly antics with some sense of humour because really it is what makes me the person I am today (for better or worse).

Only I could think that slow dancing to 'Please Forgive Me' by Bryan Adams with my girlfriend would be the height of romanticism, despite the fact that it was at a school run disco...in the middle of the day...in the multi-purpose shelter. Throw in the fact she soon ditched me because she had eyes for my good friend (or so I was told) and it really is a memory one would rather forget.

Keep in mind it was 1993 and I had just become a teen so you can cut me a little slack.

The same can't be said for the time that I thought the best way into a girl's heart was to buy her a thoughtful present for her 16th Birthday. Unfortunately that thoughtful gift was Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill - the most man hating album of the 90s. Suffice to say the girl did not become mine.

Perhaps I'm not to blame. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that both Bryan and Alanis are Canadian. It is their Canadianess that has made these moments turn into a junior version of Curb Your Enthusiasm, not my lack of suaveness.

I knew there was a reason I fucking hated Tal Bachman.

From now on I am done with the Canadians. I am deleting my Martha Wainwright albums from my iPod and am never watching my DVD of The Last Waltz by The Band ever again. Except for the Van Morrison chapter when they perform 'Caravan'. That's the bomb.

My collection of records by The Tea Party? Gone. That one semi-popular album by The Watchmen? Farewell. Arcade Fire? As much as it pains me.

Time to get this bilingual speaking monkey off my back once and for all.

Now I'm acting my age.